So You’re Getting Married…Ambitious Much?

Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might; for there is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom, in the grave, whither thou goest. (Ecclesiastes 9:10)

An ambitious woman will end up resenting her partner if he lacks determination. You may have a partner that is very caring and loves you whole heartedly, but this will not make up for his lack of drive. If you’re a person that is always striving to do better, whether it’s in your career or personal life, you’ll always feel like you’re being held back if your partner is content with a mediocre life. Following are a few questions you will want to ask during your courtship:

·        Are you pursuing your dream career? If not, why?

·        How many jobs have you had? How long did you stay on those jobs?

·        Why did you quit your last job?

·        Have you ever been fired? Why were you fired?

·        What does your career entail?

·        What is your typical work day like?

·        What is the highest level of education you have obtained?

·        Do you often take courses (degree or non-degree) that will help you advance in your career or profession?

·        Has the level of education ever been a factor in a break-up?

·        What are your plans for retirement?

Remember ladies; what makes you happy, may not be true for the next person. And you cannot judge or change a person’s beliefs on what makes them happy. You need to accept them for who they are or move on. Secondly, do not allow your career ambition to be a priority over your marriage (will explain further in another blog posting).

XOXO,


Jay


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So You’re Getting Married…Financially Compatible

Where there is no vision, the people perish. Proverbs 29:18a

According to 100 relationship experts that were surveyed, finances are one of the top ten causes for divorce, surpassing infidelity (The Huffington Post). When there is no plan, then plan to fail – this credence rings very true when managing house hold income. If couples do not see eye-to-eye in overseeing their finances, then their marriage is doomed. You may be the mate that likes to spend money for the here and now, while you’re potential mate may be the saver, looking towards the future. Here are a few questions you will want to ponder with your significant other before getting engaged:

·        How much do you make annually?

·        How important is money to you?

·        Are you currently paying child support or alimony?

·        Do you believe in prenuptial agreements?

·        Do you set a limit on purchasing big ticket items, such as, cars, T.V.s and high-end jewelry?

·        What are your financial goals?

·        Do you have a set budget, if so, how do you go about establishing a budget?

·        How much debt have you accrued?

·        In a marriage, who should be responsible for handling the finances?

·        Do you believe in purchasing items on credit?

·        Do you have a savings plan and/or retirement plan?

·        Outside of paying for necessities, such as, food, housing, and transportation, what do you mostly spend your money on?

·        Has money ever been a factor in a break-up?

Remember ladies; pay attention to your man’s spending habits. If he isn’t very forth coming with answering your questions or he’s choosing to hide financial information, then take the high road because he’s not the man for you.

XOXO,



Jay



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So You’re Getting Married…Bon Voyage!

Can two walk together, except they be agreed? Amos 3:3

You would be surprised to know how many married couples are not travel compatible; however, they did not find this out until after they said, “I do.” And believe it or not, many couples have divorced over a mate not being able to or willing to travel abroad. Some people have a phobia of flying, while others have an extreme case of car sickness while traveling long distances. You’re probably thinking that this factor is so minute that it shouldn’t be a deal breaker. This may be the case with you, but to many, traveling is a part of one’s culture or identity. On the other hand, you may be a frequent traveler, while your potential mate is okay with traveling to a new destination every five to ten years. Everyone has their own idea of travel. Here are a few questions to ponder over during a date night:

·        Do you have a fear of flying?

·        Do you like to take road trips?

·        Do you enjoy cruises?

·        If you could travel to any place in the world, where would you go?

·        How often do you travel abroad?

·        What are some places you have a desire to visit?

·        Do you prefer room service in a luxurious hotel or camping in Yosemite?

·        What places have you traveled to?

·        When and where is your next travel destination?

·        What are some activities you like to pursue while traveling?

Remember ladies; you cannot change one’s perception on life, you can either accept them for who they are or move on.

XOXO,


Jay


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A Self-Life

Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Philippians 2:3-4

Me, Myself, and I is the type of world we live in – a society that encourages, promotes, and dotes on selfishness, served on a dish of glitz and glam. The most dangerous type of selfishness is encouraged through subtleties, such as, social media and independency: social media is a platform of selfie pictures that say, “Look at me,” or “Look at what I am doing” or “What I have.” Independency promotes the clichés, “I am doing me” and “It’s my body, I can do what I want with it,” regardless of whom I hurt or who else is impacted by my decisions.

As human beings, we are innately selfish; therefore, we have to work at not being selfish. At one point in time, women were discouraged to have children before or outside of marriage. Nowadays, women are encouraged to have a child without a father present in the home, because we feel or believe it’s the right time in our life. We have finished college, acquired our dream career, and purchased our idea home, so now is the time to have a child, regardless of how the lack of a family unit will impact our child’s life – we make our life  about what we want, when we want it, rather than what God wants for us in His timing. Society also conveys the more people you can walk on or step on to accomplish your goals, makes you a strong woman, in actuality, being a strong woman is learning to compromise, follow, and sometimes take the back seat. It takes a lot of willpower and strength to learn to sacrifice and compromise. The world conveys the more selfish you are, the more successful and admired you become; however, the duplicities of selfishness are tarnishing. If we’re always trying to take control and have things go our way, this just proves a lack of maturity, self-confidence, and temperance.

Remember ladies; a self-life is a dead end road of loneliness and void. Success comes with learning to get over ourselves.

XOXO,

Jay

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So You’re Getting Married…Home Life

Where there is no vision, the people perish. Proverbs 29:18a

Many couples believe that they can work out the kinks of their home life once they are good into their marriage...FALSE! Your home life can be the very thing that breaks your relationship. Here are a few questions you will want to ponder over a date night:

·        If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

·        Do you prefer the city life, rural, or suburban setting?

·        Do you want to rent or own your own home?

·        What type of home do you prefer to live-in (e.g. number of rooms, bathrooms, style of decorum etc.)?

·        Is it important for you to have your own office space or den?

·        Has your living arrangements ever been a factor in a break up?

·        What is the most favorite part of your home and why?

·        What room do you spend the most time in?

·        Do you enjoy house cleaning or prefer to hire outside services to clean your house?

·        Are you willing to commute to another city, state, or country if your mate’s job relocated?

Remember ladies, this conversation should be discussed during your engagement or courtship, leaving nothing on the table.

XOXO,



Jay

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So You’re Getting Married…Don’t Just Date, Court Each Other!

Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14

Dinner and a movie, then repeat, is the typical outing for most couples. Dinner and a movie is a norm for the first date, to see if you want to go on the second the date. You can’t really get to know someone if you’re always doing a dinner and a movie, because during this time, you’re both on your best behavior and just telling each other what you both want to hear. Court each other, so you can view that person in their natural element and vice-a-versa. You will discover that you both have single hobbies and couple hobbies - activities you like to do alone and activities you like to pursue together. And then again, they may be completely into something that’s just not your cup of tea. Here are a few questions just to get you going:

·        Do you enjoy hobbies that might make your partner uncomfortable, such as hanging out in bars drinking, going to strip clubs, or gambling?

·        Do you have a set budget for hobbies?

·        How often do you go out?

·        Do you socialize with people from different backgrounds, religion, or work?

·        What hobbies do you enjoy that involve your significant other?

·        What hobbies do you like to pursue without your significant other?

·        Have your hobbies ever been a factor in a break up?

Remember ladies, if a man’s hobbies goes against your morals, it can impact your marriage if you decide to marry him – and just because you marry him, does not mean he’s going to give up his hobbies.

XOXO,

Jay

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So You’re Getting Married…Everyday Living

For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it? Luke 14:28

People have divorced a year or two into marriage because their significant other snores or they have learned that they can’t stand the way they chew their food. Yes, these may be minute issues, but these small issues can turn into bigger problems later on down the line. You may think to yourself, the way someone snores or chews their food is so shallow and this should not keep someone from desiring to remain in a relationship. Because we are human, imperfect people, with flaws, we all have intricacies, things that make us tick and things that annoy us. For example, I cannot stand to see hair left behind in the shower or perhaps you’re a person that likes your linen and bedding folded a certain way. Certain annoyances are part of our personality. Some things we’re willing to bend or compromise on and there are things that we won’t even attempt to be agreeable on. However, we go into the relationship, thinking, at the time, that I love this person so much that such irritations can be worked out. When the novelty or newness of the relationship wears off, we start to pay more attention to those nuisances, so following, are some questions that pertain to everyday living that you will want to ask before you decide to run off into wedded bliss:

1. Would you consider yourself a morning or a night person?
2.  Are you comfortable with public display of affection?
3. When you disagree with your partner, do you tend to argue or withdraw?
4. What is your view on sharing household responsibilities, such as, cooking   and cleaning?  
5. How do you go about planning your weekly schedule or day of events?

These are just some basic everyday living questions to initiate the conversation.

Remember ladies, you cannot change a man, regardless of how much you love him.  You or either going to accept him and all  of his annoyances or perhaps, he just may not be the man for you.

XOXO,


Jay


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