Do You Know What You’re Working With?

A week ago, I was at the mall people watching and noticed a woman grabbed her man’s arm when another woman walked passed them, as if to say, “He’s taken.” It didn’t appear that the other woman was interested in her man, but the gesture of her grabbing her man’s arm unintentionally insinuated, “I am insecure.”

Many women have often made the mistake of gripping their man’s arm when another woman walks by or into the vicinity. Ladies, do you really know what you’re working with? And I don’t mean in just physical appearances. There will always be another woman prettier than you, so therefore, you shouldn’t hang all your security into your looks because eventually you’ll become insecure when gravity and fine lines start to take place.

God made you fearfully and wonderfully from the crown of your head to the sole of your feet. There are other things about you than just your looks that make you attractive. Another woman may be prettier than you are, but she may not be more attractive than you are to the person of interest. Just because you are pretty that doesn’t mean you’re attractive. So the next time those feelings of insecurity start to shift in, write a list of characteristics that you have that make you attractive and place the list in view of a reminder of what you’re working with.

Remember, if you don’t know what you’re working with and that you have more to offer than just your looks, then how is he supposed to know and treat you as such?

XOXO,

Jay

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Are You Pretty and Fine?

A pretty woman knows she’s attractive and a sight for a sore eye; however, one should not put all her interest in her looks. It is okay to spend a dime at the Mac counter to enhance what you got, but you’re biggest investment should be on your character. You can spend thousands of dollars on Botox, plastic surgery, and make-up, but keep in mind that beauty is fleeting.  

The beauty of a woman is reflected in her character. If someone had to describe your personality, what would they say about you?  It does not cost a dime to invest in being trust worthy, purposeful, diligent, forgiving,  patient, kind, loving, unselfish, grateful, resourceful, charitable, uplifting, and faithful – these undying characteristics of beauty are free, but are worth far more than any ruby, gold, or diamond ring.

The next time you’re at the make-up counter, ask yourself, “Am I investing just as much or more in enhancing my character than looking pretty on the outside?”  If we spent more time on investing in characteristics that are sustainable and provide longevity, the prettiness will take care of itself. Besides, you just don’t want to pretty on the outside and ugly on the inside, that just makes you pretty ugly.

So ladies, let’s be pretty on the outside and fine on the inside.

XOXO,

Jay


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Courting Vs. Dating

Society has completely done away with the term courting, nowadays, you only hear partial of the word when referencing to basketball. Men and women no longer court each other, they by-pass traditional dating and go straight to conventional dating, which means anything goes…sex, booty calls, or just the simple, “I am not looking for anything serious, I just want to have fun.” However; with this notion in mind, women are left hung out to dry. Women are innately emotional thinkers. We may go along with the no attachment sex and tell ourselves the lie that “I am okay with just sex,” but deep down, we really like the guy we’re sexing, so we will work on changing his mind. And when we find out that we CANNOT change his mind, we are left emotionally damaged. Ladies, we have got to stop repeating these same mistakes and go back to the basics of being pursued!

If you have grand-parents that were raised in the south, depending on your age, you’re probably familiar with the term courting. And if your grand-parents are still married, more than likely, they’ve courted. Courting is the initiation of a friendship by the man, in order to seek the approval of his companion. Courting is not a commitment; however, it does not involve sexual activity, flirting, or any sexual impromptus. During this stage, the man and the woman are learning to see if they’re compatible in developing and maintaining a FRIENDSHIP prior to dating.

During the dating stage, the man and woman are romantically involved, which is NOT equivalent to sex. They make plans to go on formal dates, but this is a period to see if both parties are romantically compatible. If a man is serious about a woman, it is during this period that he will verbalize his feelings of wanting to make a commitment.

Stay tuned for the upcoming book, And a Courting We Go.

XOXO,

Jay

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The Domino Effect

Someone recently posted on my Facebook page a t-shirt that read, “I hate my baby’s daddy… but you chose him.” At the time, this quote read to be funny, but it rings so true and has so many consequences. Ladies, when you wake up in the morning, you have the freedom to choose the outlook of your future, so choose wisely. The decisions you decide to act upon or not act upon is either an addition or a subtraction from your future. As young women, we often tell ourselves that, “I only live once,” so why not go and live it up? However, our choices have domino effects that not only impact us, but affect everyone in our lives, including our future children.

You are granted with the opportunity to choose the father of your child – this is a BIG responsibility. So the next time you choose to roll around in the sack, ask yourself, “If I get pregnant, can I see this man being the father of my child? Will he be present in my child’s life? Does he set good examples? Is he someone I would want raising my children? Will he help support my children emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and financially?”  There are so many children that are suffering dire consequences behind the choices their parents made.

Remember, children repeat the same examples that are set before them. You cannot set expectations for your children to live up to when you didn’t live out the examples before them. 

XOXO,

Jay


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You Have the Right to Be Joyful!

Did you know that being joyful is a choice that you choose to make every day? Every morning before you step out of bed and leave your house, you can choose to put on a joyful spirit regardless of what you’re going to face throughout the day. If someone cuts you off on the freeway, smile and be joyful. If you get a flat tire on the way to work, making you late, smile and be joyful. If someone cusses you out at the mall because you accidently bumped into them, smile and be joyful. Do not allow anyone or anything to rain on your joy.

According to Sonia Gallagher, J.D., Holistic Executive Life Coach, living a joyful life comes with benefits:

1.       Your anxiety and stress level will decrease

2.       Your body can heal itself of diseases

3.       Your positive energy is infectious and will draw others to you

4.       Your job performance will increase

5.       Your energy will increase

Remember, the next time an uneventful moment presents you, ask yourself, “What attitude will I adopt in order to adapt to the circumstance at hand?” Your attitude will determine the final outcome of your situation.

And besides, life is too short to be anything, but joyful.

XOXO,

Jay


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Knowing When to Close the Curtain

Consider yourself among the blessed if you still have your childhood friendships. As we are forever changing, so do our relationships. Some friendships continue to blossom until death do you part, while others slowly die and that’s okay too. Just because your girlfriend was your friend then, doesn’t mean she’s still the same friend now. Here are a few red flags signaling it’s time to close the curtain on your friendship:

1.       She’s always making subtle put-down remarks about your character, personality, physical appearance or talents. She’s been your friend for this long, so she shouldn’t have to, “Talk at you” or make snickering remarks behind your back.

2.       She makes EVERYTHING a competition: Who got married first, who had children first, and who lost the first ten pounds of baby weight. These significant moments shouldn’t be about competition, she should be supportive and happy to be a part of them.

3.       If you’re the one always making the effort to call or schedule outings.

4.       You knew that your friend was flirtatious, but flirting with your man is crossing the line.

5.       She brings out the worst in you. You find yourself doing or saying things that you normally wouldn’t say or do when you’re with her.

6.       You start to notice every time she calls, she needs a favor.

7.       Your conversations are one-sided. Both of your schedules are hectic, so when you do talk, she only has the time to talk, but never listen.

8.       If you brought 1-7 to her attention and she gets defensive.

Remember, in life some friendships are not meant to last forever. They are for a brief season, in which you needed to learn, develop or grow from. Just be thankful for the good girlfriend you had then and be open and optimistic to meeting new friends.

XOXO,

Jay

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Learning to Be Content

Learning to be content in undesirable circumstances can sometimes be quite challenging, but it can be done. As women, we strive to accomplish many hats in life such as, becoming a wife, mother, and a successful business woman. We find ourselves establishing timelines when to have these goals accomplished and become quite disappointed when we don’t meet our deadlines. We often lose focus on the purpose that God has established for our lives when we look at our peers and start to make comparisons to their lives: Why am I not married and with a family by now or why have I been passed up for a promotion or missed out on career opportunities? When we start comparing our lives to our peers, which can lead to self-pity and wallowing in our circumstances, we will make unwise choices out of desperation.

God knows the desires of every woman’s heart and He wants us to learn to be content in any given circumstances that He allows to come our way. God has a purposeful and enriching life for every woman, that is, every woman who decides to let God order her steps. When you let God lead you down the path that He has for you, the ultimate message that you send to God is, “I totally and completely surrender to the plans that You have for my life”.

XOXO,

Jay



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The Masquerade Ball

Ladies, why do we encourage each other to wear masks? We may not intentionally do this, but we do this subconsciously with our words and behavior. She thinks she’s cute. There is nothing WRONG with thinking you’re attractive, as long as you’re not comparing yourself to other women. If you don’t think you’re attractive, then who else will? Girl, did you see what she had on? Maybe girlfriend was having a rough day and didn’t have time to do laundry or is not as fortunate as you are to have an array of a wardrobe. Her hair looks a mess. She was probably just having a bad hair day and was making her way to the hair dresser or suffers from an illness, which results to hair loss. Why is she with him when he treats her like dirt? She probably doesn’t feel worthy to be in a loving relationship.

If we are not saying it, then our behavior and body language displays it. When we make assumptions or say hurtful things to each other, we just tear each other down. As women, we need all the edifying and uplifting comments we can get, just to make it through the week. Being a woman is hard enough, but we make are roles more challenging when we force each other to wear masks by pretending to be someone that we’re not in order to pacify the next woman’s self-esteem issues. We cannot grow and reach our potential if we continue to allow others to make us reach for a mask.

Rule of thumb: the next time you find yourself thinking or saying discouraging thoughts about a woman you work, associate, or attend church with, pay her or another woman two genuinely positive comments for every one of your negative thoughts.

XOXO,

Jay


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New Hires Getting Up to Speed: For Recent Hires of All Levels

“Managers often complain about the new-employee learning curve,” suggesting that they often have to follow-up with new employees to ensure that they are navigating their roles successfully (thebuildnetwork.com). If you’re a new hire on the job and you want to get up to speed, but not sure where to start, here are a list of suggestions to take into consideration that will get you notoriety very quickly by managers and employers (thebuildnetwork.com):

• Make it your business to research the ins-and-outs of the company such as, the company’s mission and goals, its consumers, product and strategy information, and key players, even if this information doesn’t necessarily pertain to your job description.
•   Ask for a tour of the facility prior to your start date.
•  Ask which key people you need to connect with that are relevant to your role and schedule time to meet with those people.
•  Inquire about expectations and culture of the company.
• After a week on the job, request a meeting with your employer or manager to discuss adaptation to your role.

Remember, being proactive on the job, even if the task isn’t relevant to your job description, will quickly get you considered as a candidate for promotion.

XOXO,

Jay


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Questions to Ask during Your Next Doctor’s Visit

Hey ladies, today’s post are some essential questions that you should ask during your next doctor’s visit. Some of these questions could be life-saving if they are addressed earlier on:

If you’re doing everything you possibly can to lose weight, but the pounds are just not coming off, then you might have a thyroid problem

·         Could my weight be a thyroid issue?

Different health and medical issues can factor in frequent trips to the OBGYN such as age, weaken immune system, and previous abnormal pap smears.

·         How often do I need to get a pap smear?

Just being a woman, your body needs supplements period; however, as we get older and are more active, our bodies require additional fuel, other than food to keep us functioning.

·         What supplements should I take?

If you’re like me and have chronic mood swings when aunt Flow comes to visit, maybe your doctor can recommend some techniques or supplements to help you fight irritability.

·         Is there anything I can do to combat PMS?

Even if your family doesn’t have a history of breast cancer that doesn’t mean that the twins should go unchecked.

·         When should I be screened for breast cancer?

If you still have your reproductive organs or of child bearing age, then it’s essential that your ovaries are healthy. Ovarian cancer is a silent killer and by the time that symptoms are noticed, it’s usually too late.

·         When should I get screened for ovarian cancer?

So when is your next check-up?

XOXO,

Jay


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Nature’s Own Beauty Line

Hey ladies, we would all like to have beautiful skin and hair without the expensive cost and harsh ingredients that are too hard to pronounce. Following, are a few tried and true products that my girlfriends and I have used that are inexpensive and are from nature’s own line of beauty that will have your skin and hair glowing in no time:

·         Trader Joe’s Organic Virgin Coconut Oil- You’ll find this product on the aisle with the cooking oils, but it works magic on your skin, nails, and hair. I generously apply the coconut oil to my skin after I stepped out of the shower. Make sure you apply the oil to your hands as well, it helps strengthens the nails and makes them grow longer. You can also use this product as an oil treatment for your hair.

·         Non-concentrated 100 % Cranberry Juice- If you have acne prone skin like me, then this juice is the solution. It has a “significant amount of salicylic acid,” (MedlinePlus) the same ingredient that is found in over the counter products that are used to combat acne.  I drink the non-concentrated cranberry juice from Trader Joe’s. I will mix 8 oz. of juice with 16 oz. of water. I drink the mix once a week and twice when I am under stress- when acne is most likely to show up. “Drinking cranberry juice regularly increases the amount of salicylic acid in the body” (MedlinePlus). In addition to combatting acne, the cocktail also produces a natural radiance to your skin.

·         A lemon for the face –Dorothy Enriquez, Editor in Chief of DOT Magazine, maintains her beautiful glow with lemons. “Lemons do wonders as a natural chemical peel. They renew the skin and help generate cells. A lemon peel wakes up your face and invigorates it without the harshness of an actual chemical peel—which leaves your face splotchy and peeling while you wait for the ‘new skin’ to arrive. I rub the lemon across the kitchen counter to prep its juiciness. I slice it in half, squeeze it a bit so the juice comes to the top and then I rub that all over my face, including the pulp. I’m careful to watch for my eyes, of course. I let it sit until I feel my face tighten and then I wash it off with my usual face wash. I moisturize, and then go to bed. This is a practice I try to do once a week to maintain clear skin and a natural glow.”

·        Water and lots of it! There is no better skin, hair, and weight treatment than water. When drinking over the recommended (8 cups) daily intake, water can provide an array of benefits such as, weight maintenance, tightens the skin to keep it moisturized, and adds moisture to your hair. The more active you are and the older you get, the more water your body needs. 

So ladies, if you’re on a budget, have really sensitive skin, or would just like to try some of these beauty treatments in addition to your regime, treat yourself to nature’s own beauty line. It has plenty of benefits.

XOXO,

Jay

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An Unhealthy Woman Cannot be A Productive Woman

Women wear many hats: wives, mothers, daughters, sisters, friends, and the list goes on. We are always giving of ourselves, thus it’s important that we take better care of our health. Being productive requires a lot of maintenance to the physical body. If we are always on the go, then we must see to it that we’re eating balanced nutritious meals, taking a multi-daily vitamin, replenishing the body with water, getting enough sleep, getting at least 30 minutes of physical activity every day (Department of Agriculture and the Department of Health and Human Services), most importantly, being in tune with our bodies. If you don’t feel like your usual self and notice the feeling worsens over time such as, a headache, then it’s time for you to see your doctor, this could be a sign of an underlying medical problem (http://www.prevention.com/health/health-concerns/when-see-doctor-your-headachepage=2). Don’t put it off and tell yourself that you will schedule an appointment during vacation. Your health is more important than any to-do-list.

Even if you do feel healthy, it’s still important that you schedule regular appointments with your doctor.

You can’t be the best version of you if you fail to take care of your health. If the wear and tear on a car needs regular maintenance, what do you think wear and tear on the physical body will do if your health goes untreated?

Every week, strive to meet a healthy goal to leading a more productive life such as, setting a scheduled bed time to ensure you get at least 8 hours of sleep. Each week, add another healthy goal.

XOXO,

Jay


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Surround Yourself with Angels

Hey ladies, every woman has to have a few mottos or words of wisdom to get her through the week. So just in case you don’t, here’s a few:

Adopt a good attitude – you can approach anything in life by having an optimistic attitude, even when things in your life seem not to go as planned or expected. Embrace the attitude of optimism and ask yourself, “What am I supposed to learn from this experience?”

No negativity or pessimism- avoid negative people, thoughts, or actions like the plague because negativity can be contagious and will keep you from moving forward in life.

Genuine is always key- be your absolute self! Do not allow people to make you put on a mask just so they can, “handle” or “deal with you.” It’s not your fault that they develop a complex every time you’re around. You are not their issue and weren’t created to pacify their personality dilemmas.

Everything worth doing in life, approach it with enthusiasm, even when pursuing an unappealing or unattractive occupation such as a janitor; be the best janitor that you can be and your reputation will precede you.

Love people that society shuns or considers to be outcasts because they need love the most.

Smile even when you don’t feel like it. There is ALWAYS a reason to smile, even on your worst days.

What angels do you surround yourself with?

XOXO,

Jay

A Woman Interrupted

Have you ever had a week where you walked out of the house feeling like you forgot to put on a piece of clothing, later to realize you forgot to put on a bra, then locked your car keys in your car, went into the bank and realized that you locked your purse in the car along with your keys, cell phone, and wallet? I did. This is what I call a woman interrupted – your mind is too busy and occupied with things, other than focusing on what you’re actually doing at the current moment, which therefore can evolve into stress.

Stress is a snare that sneaks upon us like 5 pounds of fat, and then later you’re asking yourself how did I end up in this situation? No matter how much we consider ourselves to be super woman or super mom, we’re not. We’re human. We cry, we hurt, and have emotional, spiritual, and physical needs that need weekly restoration. God did not design us to be robots, so therefore, we need to stop, take a moment, and gas up. Commit at least 30 minutes of your time to devotion, prayer, and meditation with God. Don’t merely pencil God into your schedule, but make him a priority. Stop making excuses that you don’t have time. Remember, God is the creator of time; if you give him the first of your time, then he will ensure that your time is not interrupted with unnecessary problems.

XOXO,

Jay



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A Great Woman

Learning to be a great woman comes with some trial and error or trials and tribulations, which builds character if she faces them with the right attitude.

A great woman is resourceful and learns to make do with what she has and just because she is blessed with more than enough, does not mean she will use up all her resources because she has it. She has learned from past errors that there are going to be rainy days, so she will store enough of her earnings or resources when that day comes. She will not be left out in the cold.

A great woman has learned to be content with her circumstances, rather good or bad, she chooses to see the silver lining amongst the dark clouds and ask herself, “What can be learned from this situation?”

A great woman is thankful for what she has and isn’t always complaining about what she doesn’t have. She knows that things could be worse.

What type of woman are you aspiring to be?

XOXO,

Jay

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What Have You Done Lately?

If you are living, then you should be growing mentally, spiritually, and physically. You should be able to notice a change in your life this same time last year - a change for the better.  Patience should be a virtue, your thoughts should be more progressive, and your actions should be more productive. You should be on the path to reaching your goals or about to accomplish a goal. Don't let another sedentary year go by. Life is too short to just be existing. Start the year off creating your own timeline with a list of things you want to accomplish. This list could pertain to family goals, career goals, or even weight loss.

XOXO,

Jay

Be Aware of the Woman who is Unhappy with Herself

Take heed to the following, she may possess some of these traits:

·         Yes, some women have bad days, but the unhappy woman ALWAYS has a happy face that is turned upside down.

·         She is always on notice when another attractive woman steps into the room because she gives her the, “stank face” – nose turned up and looks the woman up and down.

·         Every time your phone rings, she NEVER has anything good to say and by the time you get off the phone with her, you feel down and don’t even have a reason why.

·         She feels like she’s always in competition with another woman (whom she secretly admires), so she is always trying to find a way to bring her down or one-up her.

·         She cannot stand to be by herself: she doesn’t like living alone and is uncomfortable going to places solo.

·         She is only happy (pretending) when her external surroundings are on the up-and-up.

·         She doesn’t like to see other women happy.

If you recognized any of the previous traits in any of your peers, you should start distancing yourself from her immediately because the, “Unhappy Woman” has detrimental side effects  that can rub off and lead to you always being in a bad mood when you’re around her, partaking in degrading other women, always complaining, and gossiping. Where ever this woman goes, drama follows her.

Now if any of those traits sound like you, then clearly, you don’t like yourself, so you need to ask yourself, “What is it that I dislike about myself?”

XOXO,

Jay

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Girlfriend, You Better Hush!

Ladies what do we do best, besides shop for cute shoes or dress our butts off? We run that mouth! Hands down, no one can out talk us or out argue us. We are the runner up when it comes to: transporting gossip, telling somebody off, being the expertise at everything, and even cussing someone out if need be – you haven’t been cussed out, until you’ve been cussed out by a woman. We take home ALL the academy awards for every category when it comes to running our mouths. We always have to have the last word.

Our tongue can be our best friend or our worst enemy. The Bible says that life and death is in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). Therefore, we need to be more mindful of our words. You can hit someone and the wound will heal, but you can damage someone with words that you can’t take back. How many of us have lost best friends, lovers, husbands, family members, broken up households, or missed out on successful opportunities because of our mouth?

Even a fool is thought to be wise when they keep quiet. Your words can deem you as a silly woman or a wise woman. Only a silly woman runs off at the mouth all time with vain words.

Rule of thumb: if your words cannot be edifying or speak wisdom, then girlfriend, you better hush!

XOXO,

Jay

Are You Ready to Receive the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly...Truth About Yourself?

Every woman loves to receive a compliment, even if it’s a lie, we will accept it and carry on like nobody’s business. But when we are told the ugly truth about ourselves, we will whole heartedly disagree. No one likes to be wrong or corrected for their errors, especially, us women (just keeping it real, nod your head yes; even if you lie to everyone else, tell yourself the truth). We always have to be right about EVERYTHING. What woman do you know that doesn’t mind being wrong sometimes? The truth of the matter is we don’t know everything. And there is no such thing as a woman that is all knowing, even if she thinks herself to be so, she is only deceiving herself. Regardless of the titles that we hold, the education that we receive, the grey hairs of wisdom and age, we don’t know it all and never will, not while we’re on earth. 

Solomon was the wisest of them all. There was none like him and there won’t be another after him (Bible, 1 Kings 3:12). And not to say the least, Solomon was a man – so ladies, don’t buy into the hype of those refrigerator magnets that prove us to be right all the time, just because we’re women.

Considering we are human and will constantly make mistakes unknowingly, we should always be open-minded to constructive criticism. If we are constantly told or hear the same things about ourselves, then we need stop being in denial and start taking some self-inventory. There’s a high possibility that everyone could be right and that’s okay because remember, you’re only human and bound to MAKE mistakes. Look at it this way, if you were headed down the wrong street, wouldn’t you want to know, so that you can make a U-turn and head in the right direction? Only a silly woman would continue down the same path after being told repeatedly by different people that she was going the wrong way.

The Bible says that if you give instruction to a wise man, and he will be yet wiser: teach a just man, and he will increase in learning (Proverbs 9:9).

A woman that is ready to receive correction will be wiser in life. A wise woman doesn’t mind receiving constructive criticism because she knows that it will only make her wiser. Remember, if you want that promotion on your job, you’re going to have to be open-minded to hear things about yourself that you may not agree with and be ready to step out of your comfort zone.

And besides, no one likes a know it all.

XOXO,

Jay

A Woman’s Footprints

Have you ever had a girlfriend or do you have that girlfriend that you can’t wait to see? You anticipate her presence at church, work or the gym because every time you see her she always has something uplifting or encouraging to say; especially when you’re feeling down or need some advice she is your go to person? She just always seems to have it going on? Well, what do you think she would have to say about you when you’re not around? What footprints or legacy do you leave behind once you’ve embodied a home or work place…If you could be a fly on the wall, what would you hear about yourself?

Do you leave footprints of encouragement and a fragrance of positivity after you left an environment? Do you instill a character of integrity in your children? Do you embrace your man and uplift him when he thinks all else fails - when he needs it the most? Do you encourage your girlfriends even when you feel like you need encouragement yourself?

A woman always leaves her footprints after she embraces an environment. There is always something to be said about her, from the crown of her head to the sole of her feet, inside and out: “Girlfriend sure could dress her butt off,” “She is such a lady,” “She inspires me to…”

What do you want said about you?

What footprints are you leaving behind?

XOXO,

Jay

So Over Worked

I feel so over worked and due for a vacation. Well, I think I'm past due for a vacation. It's very challenging being a single woman or just a woman period. We have so many things that we have to maintain and keep up with. Not that I'm complaining, but just reflecting.

Today, on my sick day off from work, I watched a talk show with a panel of women, probably in their late twenties or early thirties being critiqued by family, friends, and strangers because they failed to keep up personal appearances and maintain healthy relationships with people in their life. These women, as beautiful as they are, face issues that we as women face on a daily basis. They were critiqued harshly by their family, friends, and the audience for, “Letting themselves go.” Those women, just like most or all women go through stages of being over worked and “Letting ourselves go from time-to-time. We dedicate so much of ourselves to family, work, friends, school etc. and forget to take time out for us. And if we do take time out for ourselves, then we feel guilty or undeserving. The women on the talk show were once considered, “hot, trendy, and skinny” by their peers, but let themselves go due to life’s circumstances and not to say the least, considered unpleasant to be around. Their behavior towards their families and friends was horrendous. I’m pretty sure these ladies didn’t always have horrendous personalities or unattractive appearances; otherwise, I don’t think they would’ve been on the show. Well ladies, I hate to say it, but with all of life’s daily commotion, if we do not carve out some me time, then we will get lost in life’s catastrophes and will soon find ourselves in the same situation, hard to deal with attitudes and unattractive appearances. As women, we need to take time out in order to reflect on our personal well being and state of mind. I can admit that being a woman is hard, especially in a materialistic and vain society, which dotes on physical appearances. We have so much to be concerned about such as, our hair, weight, career, love life, and relationships, in addition to life’s uneventful  and unplanned catastrophes. No wonder why we get physically, emotionally, and mentally side tracked or off base. We’re like the Energizer Bunny that keeps going and going until we just stop working and finally just let ourselves go.

So ladies, take time out for you. There’s nothing wrong with turning off your phone and sipping a glass of wine while enjoying your favorite CD. It’s okay to not want to be bothered by the outside world for a weekend or two. We need to stop and rejuvenate every now and then without feeling guilty. And besides, there’s a big payoff for doing so. You’ll find your self more pleasant to be around and less likely to fly off the hinges when the paper gets jammed in the copier at work.

Girlfriend, go ahead and book that overdue vacation that you deserve.

XOXO,

Jay

Like Minded People Acquaint Themselves with Other Like Minded People

While growing up, my mom always said, “You choose your friends and don’t let your friends choose you” and my dad said, “Associate with people who are smarter than or just as smart as you, so you can learn something from them.” Those are two very profound statements. If you were to take inventory of the list of people you associate with and write down each of their characteristics, including yours (be honest), I am willing to bet that you possess common characteristics that have attracted them to you and vice-a-versa.

Remember:

If you have a friend that’s always gossiping and back-biting…like-minded people acquaint themselves with other like-minded people

If you have a friend that drama seems to follow her everywhere she goes… like-minded people acquaint themselves with other like-minded people

If you have a friend that is unstable minded in every life making decision… like-minded people acquaint themselves with other like-minded people

If you have a friend that is complacent with mediocrity… like-minded people acquaint themselves with other like-minded people

If you have a friend that is always complaining… like-minded people acquaint themselves with other like-minded people

So which like-minded person are you?

XOXO,

Jay

Revamping Your Priorities: Part 2

This post is a follow-up from last week’s article, “Revamping Your Priorities.” Last week I listed an example of a list of priorities that most women would probably prioritize in their life as being life’s most important priorities, but struggle trying to meet the demands of each of these priorities:

·         God or spirituality

·         Family

·         Work

Remember, in life, what you put in, is what you get out. If you don’t spend quality time investing in the most important priorities, then don’t expect worthwhile results.

·         Schedule 30 minutes daily, reading the bible, praying, or worshiping God

·         Schedule time during the week to dedicate to your family and significant other

·         Schedule how much time you will dedicate to post work activities and do not go over your set time frame

Sit down at the beginning of each week and schedule time for life’s most important priorities and then schedule everything else around these priorities. Of course, life will get in the way and people will want to intervene their priorities over yours, but stick to your schedule. Do this for a week and notice how well your week goes: kids are more cooperative, your husband or significant other is helping out more, and meeting work deadlines don’t seem so stressful. If your week goes better than last week, then keep up this routine and revamp your priorities when you start to notice that your life is going hay wire.

XOXO,

Jay

Revamping Your Priorities

If most women were asked to make a list of their life’s most important priorities, their list would probably look like the following:

·         God or spirituality

·         Family

·         Work

However, if you asked them how much time during their day or week do they invest in that list of priorities, you’re mostly likely to get an entirely different answer, which may be similar to this:

5:00 a.m. get ready for work

6:00 a.m. get kids ready for school

7:30 a.m. drop kids off at school

9:00 a.m. – 5:00 p.m. work

6:00 p.m. pick kids up from day care or after school program

6:30 p.m. prepare dinner

7:00 p.m. help kids with homework

7:30 p.m. get kids ready for bed

8:00 p.m. spend time with hubby (maybe) or most likely, work on post work projects until you go to bed

As women, we often become stressed out or frustrated when things in our life don’t seem to go right or as well as we expect: kids are misbehaving at school, husband or significant other doesn't help out enough around the house, or struggling to meet excessive work deadlines. Some stress we cannot avoid such as, family illness, death of a loved one, or our car breaking down; however, other life stresses we can eliminate or decrease if we learn to invest more time in our priorities, instead of just treating them like a to-do-list. Invest, to devote one's time, effort, or energy to a particular undertaking with the expectation of a worthwhile result (Dictionary.com).  If we spent more time investing in our priorities, we can meet our expected end results: children will be more behaved; husband or significant other will be more helpful; struggling deadlines won’t seem so challenging.

Today, make a list of things that you can do throughout the week to invest more time in God, family, and work. 

Remember, life is all about what you put in, "You get out, what you put in."

XOXO,

Jay

Not Forgotten

Last night, I watched this documentary about a young woman named, Joyce Vincent of London, 38 years old who was found dead in her London flat in 2006. Joyce had been dead for approximately three years before the local council had discovered her body, which was because they forced entry into her flat because of unpaid rent. Her T.V. was still on and her decomposed body was surrounded by wrapped Christmas gifts. What I found alarming is that no one reported her missing and of course the neighbors had smelled her decomposed body, but ignored to report the fumes. In the documentary, her friends described her as very beautiful, articulate, an immaculate dresser, and having an outgoing personality.  Joyce did not smoke, drink, or do drugs. Her cause of death is still unknown. None of her friends or family knew of her passing and when they had learned how her body was discovered, they were in complete shock. Somehow, she was forgotten. Her close friends assumed that Joyce was off living the life that they dreamed of because they haven’t heard from her in a while…my whole point of sharing this story is that yes, we as women have very busy lives. We are in such a hurry with our own lives that we sometimes forget to notice  the needs of others, especially if they’re not in our immediate family or close circle of friends of whom we keep daily or weekly contact with. As you go throughout your week, make it a point to let another woman in your life know that she is not forgotten. Call a friend or distant relative that you haven’t spoken to in a while and let them know that you are thinking of them. Take the lady that lives next door to you or across the street from you some flowers. Take the time to lend an ear without being judgmental, just listen. Offer to take one of your coworkers whom you normally don’t associate with to lunch.

NEVER assume that everything is okay in the next woman’s life because she appears to be well put together. Joyce had some issues of her own, just like the rest of us, but was probably too ashamed to discuss them with her friends and family. Just remember that none of us are above having problems and EVERY woman, every now and then, wants to know that she is not forgotten.

XOXO,

Jay

Facilitating a Healthy Environment

You know that blobby stuff that hangs out over your pants known as the Muffin top. Yeah that stuff is hard to get off as you get older – no matter the exercise. No dieting or cleanser is going to rid of that excess belly fat, which is contributed from cortisol until you start incorporating a healthy environment into your lifestyle.

“Cortisol is a hormone produced by the adrenal glands, which sit atop the kidneys. The hormone has earned the nickname ‘the stress hormone,’ because it's released as the body's natural response to stress. Cortisol can be helpful on the short term, but chronic stress can cause the adrenal glands to become overworked and this oftentimes leads to a medical condition, known as adrenal fatigue” (http://www.bodylogicmd.com/hormones-for-women/cortisol).  

Symptoms of cortisol imbalance in women (http://www.bodylogicmd.com/hormones-for-women/cortisol):

•Fatigue

 •Depression

 •Weight gain

 •Bone and muscle loss

 •Foggy thinking

 •Anxiety

 •Irritability

Cortisol can also lead to weight gain such as, belly fat. Additional weight can start to appear as we get older, for many reasons; however, one significant reason is due to stress, which can be brought on by worrying or over extending your mental and physical capacity (http://www.fitday.com/fitness-articles/fitness/weight-loss/why-anxiety-and-stress-might-be-causing-your-weight-gain.html). We as women must remember that we are not Super Woman; our mind and bodies can only do so much within a 24-hour span of the day and part of those 24-hours should be donated to sleep. Just like we plan our weekly or daily schedule, we must also facilitate a healthy environment around our schedule. This means, avoiding negativity. Ask yourself this simple question, “How will ______ (fill in the blank) enhance my lively hood and the well being of my family or personal relationships with others?” This question does not only apply to things, but people as well. You may not be able to avoid negative people your entire life because you will run in to them everywhere you go, but you can choose how you will respond to them. You can allow them to upset you or you can choose not to dignify their ignorance with a response. Sometimes, not saying anything, can be saying a whole lot.

Be mindful of the people you keep company, the things you watch on T.V., the music you listen to, the things you read, and the places you go. All of these impact your mental and physical being. Your mind and body is like a sponge, it absorbs whatever you put into it. So just remember, what goes in must come out and I don’t know of any woman who enjoys sporting a Muffin Top.

XOXO,

Jay