So You’re Getting Married…Family Matters

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh (Genesis 2:24).

Family relationships are an intricate part of marriage. A person’s relationship with their family is a tell-tale sign of the legacy they will create within their marriage. So a conversation about your views on Family Matters should not be off the table when discussing marriage. Here are a few questions that you should ask before you consider heading down the altar:

·        Do you want children, if so, how many?

·        Do you have children, if so, how many?

·        Is infertility a deal breaker?

·        Are you from a big family?

·        Are your parents still married and how long have they been married?

·        Are there many divorces in your family?

·        When you were growing up, did your family eat dinner together?

·        Does your family celebrate holidays together?

·        Are you close to your family?

·        How often do you visit your family members?

·        Do you believe in loaning family members money?

·        Would you allow a family member to come live with you?

·        How does your family handle disagreements?

·        Has your family or a significant other's family ever been a factor in a break-up?

Remember ladies; before you say I do, pay close attention to the interaction between your man and his relatives. Your man’s relationship with his family members is an indicator of the type of father he’ll be to your children, in case you both decide to have them.

XOXO,




Jay


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Woman Down

Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee (Deuteronomy 31:6).

Sometimes life tends to knock us down, or sometimes we fall due to the unfortunate choices we make in life. But all is not lost. Use these uneventful moments to take hold of Jesus' hand to pull you up. Allow God the opportunity to use your tribulations to push you forward in life and give you beauty for ashes. Although the world teaches you to be strong and courageous in your confidence, Jesus wants you to do just the opposite – be strong and courageous in Him. Acknowledge your weaknesses: sex, drugs, food, depression, or any addiction that has a strong hold over your life. Ask Jesus for His help. Tell Him that you need Him and you don't know any other way to get through life. Then get up with confidence in Him, knowing that He loves you beyond measure and that He'll guide your every step into glory.

Remember ladies; life will become unbearable at times, but just know that God promised never to leave or forsake you (Hebrews 13:5). You can trust Jesus with your entire life.

XOXO,

Jay

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So You’re Getting Married…Does Physical Appearance Really Matter?

Behold, thou art fair, my love...thou hast doves’ eyes within thy locks... (Song of Solomon 4:1 in reference to the Shulamite Woman). His legs are as pillars of marble, set upon sockets of fine gold... (Song of Solomon 5:15 in reference to Solomon)

Of course, we're going to put on our best face and outfit when wooing our significant other. However, when we're well into the relationship, we tend to let our physical appearances go. We say to ourselves, "I got him now, he's not going anywhere." Besides, if you have the best man in the world and you're head over heels in love, why would you not want to look your very best for him? On the other hand, he may be thinking the same thing, “I got her on lockdown now,” so he decides to let his gym pass go. While looks may not be everything, they are an intricate part of the relationship. Physical attraction is a crucial component to physical intimacy. Here are a few questions to ponder over during date night to see if your potential spouse takes pride in how he looks or if he's just trying to lock you in before he lets it out (his stomach, lol):

·        How important is it that you always look your best?

·        How important is it to you that your spouse looks her best?

·        Do you frequently undergo cosmetic procedures such as waxes or pedicures?

·        How would you respond if your spouse gained a significant amount of weight?

·        Are you concerned about your physical appearance as you age?

·        What would your response be if your spouse lost a leg or another limb?

·        Has physical appearance ever been a factor in a break-up?

Remember ladies; your man may love you unconditionally, but what it took to get him is going to be what it takes to keep him.

XOXO,


Jay

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She Think She Cute

Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do (1 Thessalonians 5:11).

Yes, and you think she’s cute too, for you to take notice. As women, we have a bad habit of being so quick to tear each other down, without even pausing to think about what we’re saying or doing.

What crime is there for the next woman to keep herself looking good? If you feel good on the inside, then you’ll want to look good on the outside. Before you leave the house, every woman should want to look good, smell good, but most importantly feel good. There is nothing wrong with looking in the mirror and telling yourself, “Hey girl, you looking good today!” Just because another woman takes pride in her appearance does not mean she thinks she looks better than the next person. And so what if she does, what does that have to do with you? If another woman’s appearance or attitude bothers you so much, then that’s a problem.

Remember ladies; no other woman or person should make you come undone, and if so, then you need to check yourself and ask, “What’s really going on?”

XOXO,



Jay


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So You’re Getting Married…What About Your Friends?

 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder (Matthew 19:6).

In some relationships, the spouse and their friends come as a packaged deal. If the friends don’t like you, then it’s a deal breaker or vice-a-versa. Believe it or not, couples have divorced because of friends butting into their relationships. Below is a list of questions to inquire between you in your significant other, to determine if your friendships are going to be a make-or-break factor before heading to marital bliss:

·        What type of person would you consider to be a friend?

·        Do you have a best friend of the opposite sex? Why is this person your best friend?

·        Do you believe that the most important friendship to have is with your spouse?

·        How often do you spend time with your friends?

·        Do your friends’ opinions matter more to you than your spouse’s?

·        How important is it to you that your friends are accepting of your spouse?

·        Have you ever had a disagreement with a significant other, due to your friends butting into your relationship?

·        Have your friends ever been a reason for the demise of a past relationship?

·        Have you ever shared details from your relationship with your friends?

Remember ladies; as a rule of thumb, if you have a man that makes you happier, loves you, and treats you like a princess, then keep your relationship business to yourself. There is no need to share these details with your girlfriends. As long as you’re healthy and happy, then they shouldn’t be butting into your business.

XOXO,

Jay


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So You’re Getting Married…Communicate Much?

Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath (James 1:19)

You cannot have a relationship without communication, zip, zero, nada. The root word of communicate is commune. Commune is an action word, which is defined as to converse or talk together, usually with profound intensity, intimacy, etc.; interchange thoughts or feelings (dictionary.com). The biggest challenge that couples have when it comes to communication is that they are not on the same page. Everyone has a different style of communicating and by the time they both figure this out, the relationship is on hinges. Here are a few questions to ask during the dating process to determine if your communication styles are compatible and what to work on to improve your communication:

·        Are you an effective communicator? How do you know?

·        Would you consider yourself a better listener or talker? Why?

·        What have others said about your style of communication?

·        What do you think it would take for two people to communicate effectively?

·        Has communication ever been a factor in a break-up?

·        What is your style of communication when you’re faced with a verbal confrontation?

Remember ladies; if you and your significant other can determine your styles of communication, then you both can come to a meeting of the minds in learning how to communicate more effectively with each other.

XOXO,




Jay


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So You’re Getting Married…Past Relationship Baggage?

Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before (Philippians 3:13).

Everyone has relationship baggage, platonically or romantically. Unfortunately, we take our baggage with us into the next relationship. If left unchecked at the door, some baggage can derail our potential relationships. But it’s left up to you to determine which baggage is more overbearing than others. Following are some questions you will want to ask during the engagement process to determine which cargo is too much to forebear to even consider getting married:

·        What type of person are you attracted to?

·        What do you think it takes to make a relationship work?

·        What are you views on relationship counseling?

·        What are your relationship deal breakers?

·        What’s the longest relationship you have been committed to?

·        What caused the break-up?

·        Do you still communicate or have an ongoing relationship with your ex?

·        What has your dating experience taught you about the importance of commitment and marriage?

·        Have you ever felt insecure in a relationship? If so, why?

·        Have you ever been in love?

·        When was the first time you fell in love?

·        Were you ever engaged to be married? If so, why did the engagement fall through?

Remember ladies; these are questions that you’ll want to ponder for yourself, as well, before making a long term commitment. If most of your responses to these questions have been met with negative answers, then you have some baggage that needs to be checked at the door. You do not want to go into one door, when you have left the other open and unlocked.

XOXO,


Jay


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So You’re Getting Married…Culture Clash?

Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? (2 Corinthians 6:14)

So at this point in your relationship, you’re head over heels in love... news flash, you can’t hang on love alone to help you navigate your relationship. When the novelty of wedded bliss starts to wear off and day-to-day tasks settles in, how are you going to go about resolving issues when you and your mate come from totally different backgrounds and your beliefs about life do not line up? Following, are a few questions to discuss with your love interest before deciding to leap into wedded bliss:

·        Which holidays do you celebrate and why?

·        How important is it to you to acknowledge birthdays and anniversaries?

·        What are your beliefs on gender roles?

·        What are your beliefs on race and ethnicity?

·        Does pop culture influence your lifestyle?

·        What are your beliefs on the role of a husband and wife?

·        What political party do you mostly identify with and why?

·        Have you ever been arrested or convicted of a crime?

·        Have you ever served time in the military?

·        Are you a pet lover?

·        Has cultural background ever been a factor in a break up?

·        How important is it for you to be involved in your community (e.g. church or neighborhood) or participate in charitable events?

Remember ladies; don’t let the old adage, “I can’t help who I love,” allow you to enter into a mismatched union. If this were true, God wouldn’t have told us to love our neighbor as ourselves. In love, there is always a choice.

XOXO,


Jay

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So You’re Getting Married…Ambitious Much?

Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might; for there is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom, in the grave, whither thou goest. (Ecclesiastes 9:10)

An ambitious woman will end up resenting her partner if he lacks determination. You may have a partner that is very caring and loves you whole heartedly, but this will not make up for his lack of drive. If you’re a person that is always striving to do better, whether it’s in your career or personal life, you’ll always feel like you’re being held back if your partner is content with a mediocre life. Following are a few questions you will want to ask during your courtship:

·        Are you pursuing your dream career? If not, why?

·        How many jobs have you had? How long did you stay on those jobs?

·        Why did you quit your last job?

·        Have you ever been fired? Why were you fired?

·        What does your career entail?

·        What is your typical work day like?

·        What is the highest level of education you have obtained?

·        Do you often take courses (degree or non-degree) that will help you advance in your career or profession?

·        Has the level of education ever been a factor in a break-up?

·        What are your plans for retirement?

Remember ladies; what makes you happy, may not be true for the next person. And you cannot judge or change a person’s beliefs on what makes them happy. You need to accept them for who they are or move on. Secondly, do not allow your career ambition to be a priority over your marriage (will explain further in another blog posting).

XOXO,


Jay


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So You’re Getting Married…Financially Compatible

Where there is no vision, the people perish. Proverbs 29:18a

According to 100 relationship experts that were surveyed, finances are one of the top ten causes for divorce, surpassing infidelity (The Huffington Post). When there is no plan, then plan to fail – this credence rings very true when managing house hold income. If couples do not see eye-to-eye in overseeing their finances, then their marriage is doomed. You may be the mate that likes to spend money for the here and now, while you’re potential mate may be the saver, looking towards the future. Here are a few questions you will want to ponder with your significant other before getting engaged:

·        How much do you make annually?

·        How important is money to you?

·        Are you currently paying child support or alimony?

·        Do you believe in prenuptial agreements?

·        Do you set a limit on purchasing big ticket items, such as, cars, T.V.s and high-end jewelry?

·        What are your financial goals?

·        Do you have a set budget, if so, how do you go about establishing a budget?

·        How much debt have you accrued?

·        In a marriage, who should be responsible for handling the finances?

·        Do you believe in purchasing items on credit?

·        Do you have a savings plan and/or retirement plan?

·        Outside of paying for necessities, such as, food, housing, and transportation, what do you mostly spend your money on?

·        Has money ever been a factor in a break-up?

Remember ladies; pay attention to your man’s spending habits. If he isn’t very forth coming with answering your questions or he’s choosing to hide financial information, then take the high road because he’s not the man for you.

XOXO,



Jay



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So You’re Getting Married…Bon Voyage!

Can two walk together, except they be agreed? Amos 3:3

You would be surprised to know how many married couples are not travel compatible; however, they did not find this out until after they said, “I do.” And believe it or not, many couples have divorced over a mate not being able to or willing to travel abroad. Some people have a phobia of flying, while others have an extreme case of car sickness while traveling long distances. You’re probably thinking that this factor is so minute that it shouldn’t be a deal breaker. This may be the case with you, but to many, traveling is a part of one’s culture or identity. On the other hand, you may be a frequent traveler, while your potential mate is okay with traveling to a new destination every five to ten years. Everyone has their own idea of travel. Here are a few questions to ponder over during a date night:

·        Do you have a fear of flying?

·        Do you like to take road trips?

·        Do you enjoy cruises?

·        If you could travel to any place in the world, where would you go?

·        How often do you travel abroad?

·        What are some places you have a desire to visit?

·        Do you prefer room service in a luxurious hotel or camping in Yosemite?

·        What places have you traveled to?

·        When and where is your next travel destination?

·        What are some activities you like to pursue while traveling?

Remember ladies; you cannot change one’s perception on life, you can either accept them for who they are or move on.

XOXO,


Jay


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A Self-Life

Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Philippians 2:3-4

Me, Myself, and I is the type of world we live in – a society that encourages, promotes, and dotes on selfishness, served on a dish of glitz and glam. The most dangerous type of selfishness is encouraged through subtleties, such as, social media and independency: social media is a platform of selfie pictures that say, “Look at me,” or “Look at what I am doing” or “What I have.” Independency promotes the clichés, “I am doing me” and “It’s my body, I can do what I want with it,” regardless of whom I hurt or who else is impacted by my decisions.

As human beings, we are innately selfish; therefore, we have to work at not being selfish. At one point in time, women were discouraged to have children before or outside of marriage. Nowadays, women are encouraged to have a child without a father present in the home, because we feel or believe it’s the right time in our life. We have finished college, acquired our dream career, and purchased our idea home, so now is the time to have a child, regardless of how the lack of a family unit will impact our child’s life – we make our life  about what we want, when we want it, rather than what God wants for us in His timing. Society also conveys the more people you can walk on or step on to accomplish your goals, makes you a strong woman, in actuality, being a strong woman is learning to compromise, follow, and sometimes take the back seat. It takes a lot of willpower and strength to learn to sacrifice and compromise. The world conveys the more selfish you are, the more successful and admired you become; however, the duplicities of selfishness are tarnishing. If we’re always trying to take control and have things go our way, this just proves a lack of maturity, self-confidence, and temperance.

Remember ladies; a self-life is a dead end road of loneliness and void. Success comes with learning to get over ourselves.

XOXO,

Jay

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So You’re Getting Married…Home Life

Where there is no vision, the people perish. Proverbs 29:18a

Many couples believe that they can work out the kinks of their home life once they are good into their marriage...FALSE! Your home life can be the very thing that breaks your relationship. Here are a few questions you will want to ponder over a date night:

·        If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

·        Do you prefer the city life, rural, or suburban setting?

·        Do you want to rent or own your own home?

·        What type of home do you prefer to live-in (e.g. number of rooms, bathrooms, style of decorum etc.)?

·        Is it important for you to have your own office space or den?

·        Has your living arrangements ever been a factor in a break up?

·        What is the most favorite part of your home and why?

·        What room do you spend the most time in?

·        Do you enjoy house cleaning or prefer to hire outside services to clean your house?

·        Are you willing to commute to another city, state, or country if your mate’s job relocated?

Remember ladies, this conversation should be discussed during your engagement or courtship, leaving nothing on the table.

XOXO,



Jay

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