A Self-Life

Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Philippians 2:3-4

Me, Myself, and I is the type of world we live in – a society that encourages, promotes, and dotes on selfishness, served on a dish of glitz and glam. The most dangerous type of selfishness is encouraged through subtleties, such as, social media and independency: social media is a platform of selfie pictures that say, “Look at me,” or “Look at what I am doing” or “What I have.” Independency promotes the clichés, “I am doing me” and “It’s my body, I can do what I want with it,” regardless of whom I hurt or who else is impacted by my decisions.

As human beings, we are innately selfish; therefore, we have to work at not being selfish. At one point in time, women were discouraged to have children before or outside of marriage. Nowadays, women are encouraged to have a child without a father present in the home, because we feel or believe it’s the right time in our life. We have finished college, acquired our dream career, and purchased our idea home, so now is the time to have a child, regardless of how the lack of a family unit will impact our child’s life – we make our life  about what we want, when we want it, rather than what God wants for us in His timing. Society also conveys the more people you can walk on or step on to accomplish your goals, makes you a strong woman, in actuality, being a strong woman is learning to compromise, follow, and sometimes take the back seat. It takes a lot of willpower and strength to learn to sacrifice and compromise. The world conveys the more selfish you are, the more successful and admired you become; however, the duplicities of selfishness are tarnishing. If we’re always trying to take control and have things go our way, this just proves a lack of maturity, self-confidence, and temperance.

Remember ladies; a self-life is a dead end road of loneliness and void. Success comes with learning to get over ourselves.

XOXO,

Jay

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So You’re Getting Married…Home Life

Where there is no vision, the people perish. Proverbs 29:18a

Many couples believe that they can work out the kinks of their home life once they are good into their marriage...FALSE! Your home life can be the very thing that breaks your relationship. Here are a few questions you will want to ponder over a date night:

·        If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

·        Do you prefer the city life, rural, or suburban setting?

·        Do you want to rent or own your own home?

·        What type of home do you prefer to live-in (e.g. number of rooms, bathrooms, style of decorum etc.)?

·        Is it important for you to have your own office space or den?

·        Has your living arrangements ever been a factor in a break up?

·        What is the most favorite part of your home and why?

·        What room do you spend the most time in?

·        Do you enjoy house cleaning or prefer to hire outside services to clean your house?

·        Are you willing to commute to another city, state, or country if your mate’s job relocated?

Remember ladies, this conversation should be discussed during your engagement or courtship, leaving nothing on the table.

XOXO,



Jay

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So You’re Getting Married…Don’t Just Date, Court Each Other!

Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14

Dinner and a movie, then repeat, is the typical outing for most couples. Dinner and a movie is a norm for the first date, to see if you want to go on the second the date. You can’t really get to know someone if you’re always doing a dinner and a movie, because during this time, you’re both on your best behavior and just telling each other what you both want to hear. Court each other, so you can view that person in their natural element and vice-a-versa. You will discover that you both have single hobbies and couple hobbies - activities you like to do alone and activities you like to pursue together. And then again, they may be completely into something that’s just not your cup of tea. Here are a few questions just to get you going:

·        Do you enjoy hobbies that might make your partner uncomfortable, such as hanging out in bars drinking, going to strip clubs, or gambling?

·        Do you have a set budget for hobbies?

·        How often do you go out?

·        Do you socialize with people from different backgrounds, religion, or work?

·        What hobbies do you enjoy that involve your significant other?

·        What hobbies do you like to pursue without your significant other?

·        Have your hobbies ever been a factor in a break up?

Remember ladies, if a man’s hobbies goes against your morals, it can impact your marriage if you decide to marry him – and just because you marry him, does not mean he’s going to give up his hobbies.

XOXO,

Jay

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So You’re Getting Married…Everyday Living

For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it? Luke 14:28

People have divorced a year or two into marriage because their significant other snores or they have learned that they can’t stand the way they chew their food. Yes, these may be minute issues, but these small issues can turn into bigger problems later on down the line. You may think to yourself, the way someone snores or chews their food is so shallow and this should not keep someone from desiring to remain in a relationship. Because we are human, imperfect people, with flaws, we all have intricacies, things that make us tick and things that annoy us. For example, I cannot stand to see hair left behind in the shower or perhaps you’re a person that likes your linen and bedding folded a certain way. Certain annoyances are part of our personality. Some things we’re willing to bend or compromise on and there are things that we won’t even attempt to be agreeable on. However, we go into the relationship, thinking, at the time, that I love this person so much that such irritations can be worked out. When the novelty or newness of the relationship wears off, we start to pay more attention to those nuisances, so following, are some questions that pertain to everyday living that you will want to ask before you decide to run off into wedded bliss:

1. Would you consider yourself a morning or a night person?
2.  Are you comfortable with public display of affection?
3. When you disagree with your partner, do you tend to argue or withdraw?
4. What is your view on sharing household responsibilities, such as, cooking   and cleaning?  
5. How do you go about planning your weekly schedule or day of events?

These are just some basic everyday living questions to initiate the conversation.

Remember ladies, you cannot change a man, regardless of how much you love him.  You or either going to accept him and all  of his annoyances or perhaps, he just may not be the man for you.

XOXO,


Jay


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So You’re Getting Married…What Are His Goals?

Can two walk together, except they be agreed? Amos 3:3

Every person should have aspiring goals, whether it’s to lose five pounds, pay off student debt, or overcome procrastination. And there should be some proof that you’re working towards your goals or that you have accomplished them. Life should not be some whimsical, care free moment, blowing all caution to the wind, or I go wherever life takes me event; life is meant to be intentional and purposeful.

Before even considering a friendship, let alone a romantic relationship, you need to inquire if you and your potential mate are both likeminded in regards to the same life goals. Are you both headed in the same direction or path? Do your lives intertwine? It’s better to find out now, then to spend time pursuing a relationship, only to find that you both do not and cannot walk to together.

Following, are simple questions to find out if he’s goal oriented:

·        What are your goals for the current year?

·        Where do you see yourself five years from now?

·        What do you plan to do after you retire?

Remember ladies, a man without a positive goal is a man without purpose.

XOXO,


Jay

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So You’re Getting Married…

Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14

Just because you’re in love doesn’t mean you should get married and it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t. From the time that we were little girls, we have dreamt of this grandiose wedding. We had everything picked out from the colors to our brides’ maid dresses. Oftentimes, as women, we get too carried away with the excitement of planning the wedding, and had not once stopped to think about planning a successful marriage. Yes, I said it, marriage planning. If we spent twice as much time planning a successful marriage, then many marriages wouldn’t end in divorce. We have to be willing to count the cost, which is greater than the tangible price tag of a Vera Wang wedding dress. Throughout these series, I will be covering questions to ponder between you and your potential husband. These questions should be discussed during the dating process. At the end of this course, you may find that he may not be the man for you and it’s just best that you two remain friends. Below is a list of questions pertaining to religion:

Religion

1.     Do you have a religious affiliation?

2.     Do you believe in God?

3.     Do you have a relationship with God?

4.     What does that relationship look like?

5.     When you were growing up, did your family belong to a specific religion?

6.     What is the reason for your religious beliefs?

7.     How important is it for your significant other to share your religious beliefs?

Remember ladies, a person’s religion or beliefs are the foundation for their decisions and life choices:

XOXO,

Jay

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Great Expectations

Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not (James 4:2).

It’s a tragic thing to go through life with no expectations, hence, an unfulfilled and fruitless life. Because Jesus loves us, is why we should approach everything in life with great expectations and without fear.  The Bible tells us that we have not because we ask not (James 4:2). We put limits on God based on our limited thinking capacity. If we can’t for see something evolving, then we won’t ask God to bless us. For example, if you can’t see yourself being able to financially sustain a big house, then you won’t attempt to ask God to bless you with a bigger house. God can bless you with a career that will allow you to afford the cost of a bigger home. Many people, out of ignorance make the mistake of saying, “I am happy with the little house and car God has blessed me with,” First of all, God’s blessings shouldn’t be categorized as little. Secondly, you’re implying that God can only do so much. So when you put limits on a limitless God, don’t expect Him to move on your behalf and don’t hate on the next person when He sees fit to bless them in abundance because they trusted Him.

 God is the owner and the creator of the entire universe. And everything in it belongs to Him. He has a mass of unlimited supplies. However, God works on faith. We have to be one-hundred percent confident in God that HE CAN do anything and just because He doesn’t that does not mean that He can’t. If we delight ourselves in the Lord, He will give us the desires of our heart (Psalm 37:4), thus, means to put him first and make Him apart of every aspect of your life: family, career, day-to-day tasks etc. So, when you ask God for something, make sure you have aligned yourself with His word and EXPECT HIM to move on your behalf.

Remember ladies, even Jesus has great expectations for us, thus He left heaven to die on the cross for our sins so that we might have life more abundantly (John 10:10).

XOXO,

Jay

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