Are You She That He Findeth: Kind?

She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness (Proverbs 31:26).

If you were to take notice of the women in your surrounding circle, I am willing to bet that you would most likely say that they are nice women because they are polite: they say, “thank you” and “please,” don’t forget your birthdays, and sometimes offer to pick up the tab. And yes, those are nice actions, but being nice to others rarely takes any effort, especially when someone is nice to you in return. However, showing kindness can sometimes take us out of our comfort zone; particularly, when someone says something to offend us. As women, we have no problem telling it like it is. We feel the right to express ourselves when deemed necessary. Sometimes there is nothing wrong with expressing what’s on our minds and at other times, it is best that we keep silent. We have to be very conscientious of the words that come out of our mouths and in which the tone that we say them, even to our worst enemies.

Because women are innate nurturers, our words hold lasting effects that can either destroy someone’s life or build someone up. Being kind, entails genuinely showing mercy and love through your words to people that mistreat or misuse you and withholding from calling them out of their name when they make you angry.

So remember ladies, if you want your spouse to show you kindness by not calling you out of your name or disrespecting you when you have done something to offend him, then you must demonstrate this same trait. Rule of thumb: if you cannot respond in a kind manner, keep silent.

XOXO,

Jay

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Are You She That He Findeth: Trustworthy?

The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life (Proverbs 31:11-12).

When most women consider the trait, trust worthy in a mate, they think of loyalty and being faithful. So of course they will consider this as a trait they can commit to in return; however, trust worthiness does not end at being loyal in monogamy or intimacy. Monogamy is just the beginning of trust worthiness.

A trust worthy woman has a reputation of fulfilling her duties in all aspects of her life. Her supervisor can trust her to follow through with work projects and meet deadlines. Her girlfriends can trust her with their secrets. Her family can trust her to be there in a time of need. Overall, she is dependable. Trust worthy is her character. So when she puts on the hat of a wife, her husband can trust her to run the affairs of their household and take care of their children. He can trust her with his life. All the days of her life she will look to do him no harm. And everything she does with a purpose in mind to benefit her family, friends, or strangers. She is not a busy body meddling in the affairs of others while her home and life is up in array. She does not sit idling, watching soap operas or reality shows all day. She works from sun up to sun down, inside or outside the home.

Last but not least, God can trust her to use her talents that He has gifted her with, for the betterment of others; so therefore, He can also trust her with one of His sons.

Can God trust you with the talents He has bestowed upon you to use them wisely?

XOXO,

Jay



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Are You She That He Findeth: Financially Stable?

Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands (Proverbs 14:1).

What woman do you know that does not want a financially stable man? Every woman wants financial security. The average woman does not have to marry a rich man, but she wants a man to be able to provide the basics: shelter, food, and transportation - this does not apply to the very independent woman who does not WANT a man (emphasis on WANT). And yes, we can provide these things for ourselves, but when push comes to shove, we want to be able to look up to our man. We want to know that everything will be taken care of, when necessary.

Although, we want a spouse who is financially capable, someone who makes just as much or more money than us, but oftentimes, we fail to consider if we’re a good steward over the monetary funds that we have been blessed with. Just because we have the money to spend, doesn’t mean that we should be wasteful. Just because you can afford to shop at Neiman Marcus, does not mean that you should go on weekly shopping sprees if your bills are past due and your nest egg is empty. God did not bless us with good paying jobs so we can be wasteful and selfish. God will not send a God fearing man our way, to bring home his pay check and blow his hard earned money, trying to keep up with the Joneses. Practice being a wise spender. Following, are some budgeting tips for after-tax income from www.NoMoreDebts.org to help you manage your monthly salary and live within your means:

·        35% - Housing, rent, mortgage

·        5% - Utilities

·        10-20% Food, personal care, and baby needs

·        15 - 20% Transportation: gas, insurance, maintenance, parking, bus, or taxi

·        3 - 5% Clothing for all family members

·        3% Health care premiums, specialists, and over-the-counter

·        5 -10% Personal and discretionary: entertainment, recreation, eating out, and hobbies

·        5 -10% Savings: save money for expenses that don’t occur every month and for retirement

·        5 -15%  Debt payments: credit cards, car loans, and school loans

·        5 - 10 % Tithes or charity

Remember ladies, a wife is an asset, not a financial liability.


XOXO,

Jay


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Are You She That He Findeth?

A friend of mine, Nathaniel Haley, pastor of United Christian Missionary Baptist Church, once told me that when a man of God seeks to marry a woman, he seeks for a "wife" and not just a woman that will hold the title of a wife by law.

Just because a woman is married that doesn't mean she is wife material. Thus, the Bible says, "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord" (Proverbs 18:22), implying that with all the women in the world walking around and the ratio of women to men is 2 to 1, men are still faced with the challenge of finding a suitable woman to wife.

As women, we often make the mistake of making a long list of qualities that we want in a husband without really asking ourselves if we hold any of these qualities. According to a survey conducted by Forbes and MSN, following is a list of the top traits that women said they want in a mate and some food for thought:

1. Financial stability - you may be able to match his financial ability or perhaps you make more money than him, but your pockets are like a bottom less pit.

2. Trust worthy - can you be trusted to run the affairs in your household and follow through with work projects or are you a busy body, meddling in the affairs of others while your life is up in array?

3. Kindness - are you genuinely kind to others without expecting anything in return? What would your family members, close friends, and coworkers say about your acts of kindness?

4. A sense of humor - are you always nagging and complaining when things don't go your way?

5. Intelligence - intelligence doesn't only consist of book knowledge, but also how you go about applying that knowledge. Smart people aren't smart because they've earned all As in school and graduated cum laude in their class, they're smart because most of their choices in life out way the bad.

6. Passionate - what have you done with the God given talents and gifts that God has bestowed upon you? Are you using them to serve God and better others? Or are your talents and gifts self-serving?

7. Understanding - are you quicker to listen and hear others out before you respond, so that you can gain a better understanding?

8. Romantic - Do you go out of YOUR way to please others on their birthdays or other significant events that matter to them or do you do things for them that will please you?

9. Sense of style - would your style of dressing be an embarrassment to others if they were seen with you? 

10. A handsome face - are you approachable, always bearing a smile or does your face look like you've been sucking on a lemon?

Humans are innately selfish, we aren't born with wifely characteristics; they’re something that we learn through experience and develop through a relationship with God. The world has its own standard of what a wife should be, but God established a formula for women to live by in order to become a virtuous wife. Throughout the next few weeks, we will closely examine the different characteristics, according to the Bible that makes a wife.

Remember ladies, you don't have to be married to become a "wife." You should already contain the characteristics of one when your future-to-be-husband finds you. Keep in mind that the characteristics you want in a husband, you require them before you both even say I do.

XOXO,

Jay

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Spring Into Summer

Hey ladies, it’s that time of the year again - to gear up your body for the summer. Stop the crash diets, juicing and detoxing, which only leads to binge eating and guilt. Why not enjoy and incorporate healthy eating into your lifestyle? Here are some tried and true practical tips that can easily fit into your budget and daily schedule without breaking the bank and feeling deprived:

·         If you want to manage your daily caloric intake, try myfitnesspal.com, which is a free calorie counter that creates a daily calorie goal to fit your profile. Log your daily meals and physical activity. Myfitnesspal.com also has a free app.

·         Download the free app, “Daily Workouts,” which consist of a total of 6 different workouts for your abs, arms, butt, cardio, leg, or full body, which can be completed in a 10-30 minute segment.

·         If you’re more of an outdoors person, subscribe to a local outdoors’ fitness group at Meetup.com, a social network of various groups of people that share common interests.

·         Don’t deprive yourself from your favorite meals or snacks. You can still enjoy the same foods, guilt-free with a free email subscription of recipes from Hungry-Girl.com, which offers “Tips and Tricks for Hungry Chicks.”

·         When you go out to eat, most restaurants offer double portions for one meal. When the waiter brings your meal, ask for a to-go-box and save half of your food for later.

No muffin top here! Hello two-piece, sundress, and shorts, here I come!

XOXO,

Jay

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Sex Can Kill: Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID)

Pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) is an infection of the female upper reproductive tract that can include the ovaries, fallopian tubes, uterus, and cervix (medicinenet.com).  “The cervix prevents bacteria that enter the vagina from spreading to the internal reproductive organs. If the cervix is exposed to a sexually transmitted disease -- such as gonorrhea and/or chlamydia -- the cervix itself becomes infected and less able to prevent the spread of organisms to the internal organs” (WebMD.com).

Sexual contact is the main reason for contracting PID. Untreated sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) such as gonorrhea or chlamydia are believed to be the primary cause of most PID cases (medicinenet.com).

PID can cause scarring of the pelvic organs. When scarring occurs in the fallopian tubes, it can lead to an increased risk of ectopic pregnancy or infertility (medicinenet.com).

According to WebMD, Symptoms of pelvic inflammatory disease include:

• Lower abdominal pain
•  Fever
•   Rapid pulse
• Chills
• Back pain
•   Pain during sex
•   Abnormal vaginal discharge that is green or yellow in color, accompanied by an unusual odor

WebMD also indicates that women are at greater risk for PID if they:

•  Contracted a sexually transmitted disease such as gonorrhea or chlamydia
•  Started having sex at an early age
• Had PID previously
•   Have multiple sex partners

 Ladies, this concludes the series, Sex Can Kill.  I hope you learned how to approach your sex life more cautiously. And by no means, did I intend to spoil your views toward sex. Sex can also be rewarding physically, emotionally and spiritually, when it is with the right person, but we will table that for another conversation.

XOXO,

Jay

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Sex Can Kill: The Dangers of Sperm

Other than the obvious tell-tale signs or red flags when you’re with the wrong man, research has shown that a woman can be allergic to a man’s sperm. An allergic reaction to a man’s sperm is caused by a high concentration of protein in the semen, which can be too high for your body to adapt (www.nydailynews.com). Listed below, are a few allergic reactions:

o   Hives

o   Difficulty breathing

o   Swollen eyes

o   Diarrhea

o   Problems conceiving

o   Burning and swelling of the vagina

o   Early miscarriage

o   Reddening, swelling or a raised, itchy red wheal (bump) that looks similar to a mosquito bite on your skin

o   Anaphylactic shock

Some of these symptoms such as, anaphylactic shock can lead to death. Symptoms may appear immediately or may be delayed from 30 minutes to one hour after exposure. Symptoms may also disappear and then recur hours later. Once symptoms are present, they develop quickly. (www.wellness.com).

Remember ladies, if you’re allergic to a man’s sperm, it’s because he is not the man for you.

XOXO,

Jay


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