Are You She That He Findeth With a Sense of Style?

She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple (Prov. 31:22).

 

I once heard a famous successful comedian say that the way a man dresses is an exemplification of his thought process, for example, a forty-year old man who still wears baggy and saggy pants has not mentally transitioned from boyhood - this ideology rings true for women as well. And I don’t know any grown woman that wants ANY man who dresses with his pants hanging off his butt.

The way we dress is an extension of our personality. When we step out in public, the first thing that anyone notices about us is our outwardly apparel. Your wardrobe will introduce itself before your smile will.

Ladies, look at your outwardly wardrobe as a book cover to an exciting book that is anticipating to be read. The best-selling books always have a book cover that leaves room for an imagination. No one wants to purchase a book when the entire cover tells the whole story. Why bother reading it when the whole plot is on the front cover. There is nothing left finding out.

What does your, “book cover” say about you?

XOXO,

Jay


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Are You She That He Findeth, Romantic?

Let all your things be done with charity (1 Corinthians. 16:14).

 On my birthday, a few of my coworkers decided to throw me a surprise party. When I arrived in the company cafeteria, I found a strawberry whipped cream cake on display – my favorite, along with my favorite pasta. I instantly became overwhelmed with tears and couldn’t stop crying. My coworkers asked why I was crying and I told them that I greatly appreciated the time they took to make my birthday so special, considering my dad, whose birthday was on the same day as mine, had passed away two years prior, so sometimes birthdays are really hard for me. What was so heartfelt about this moment is that even though they only knew me for a short time, they paid enough attention to go out of their way to make me happy. I don’t ever remember telling them that my dad’s birthday was on the same day as mine or my favorite birthday cake was strawberry whipped cream, but they took the time to get to know me and find out what I liked. Until this day, that sweet gesture still romances my heart.

We don’t have to wait until we are in a relationship or on Valentine’s Day to be romantic. Dictionary.com defines romantic as displaying or expressing love or strong affection. When most people think of romantic, they make reference to an act towards a significant other or spouse; however, an expression of your love should not just be limited to a significant other. You can demonstrate love all year long by doing something that makes someone else feel special or happy. If you’re out Christmas shopping and you find a green sweater that you think would be cute on your cousin, but you are aware that your cousin doesn’t like green, would you buy the sweater anyway?

Remember ladies, being romantic is about removing yourself from the picture and seeking to fulfill another’s happiness, rather than your own.

XOXO,

Jay

Are You She That He Findeth, Understanding?

Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding (Prov. 4:7).

We all want an understanding man, one that is attentive to our emotions and our needs, a good listener, and can express his emotional needs as well; however, are we understanding? Understanding is a two-way street. We cannot receive understanding if we are not willing to listen, pay attention, and assess the situation before verbally responding. According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, understanding is the knowledge and ability to judge a particular situation or subject; an informal agreement; a willingness to understand people's behavior and forgive them. And according to the Bible, understanding is intelligence, discretion, skillfulness, wisdom and the ability to reason.


We are not born with understanding. Understanding comes with life experience and the willingness to sacrifice oneself for the edification of others. For example, if you have been waiting all week long for your man to take you to your favorite restaurant on your birthday, only for that day to arrive and find that your man has succumb to the flu, but he insists that you both go out anyway. What would you do? Would you take his advice and go anyway or would you understand that he doesn’t feel well, without him having to take a rain check? This is where wisdom comes into place – having the ability to reason. If you choose to take a rain check and go another day, how do you think that will make him feel because you chose to put his needs before your wants? 

Ladies, let’s practice understanding with each other:

1.     Assess your girlfriend’s mood before inundating her with gossip; she may need an ear for you to listen and a shoulder to cry on.

2.     When she tells you about yourself, don’t get defensive, hear her out without interrupting.

3.     STOP talking for once and pay attention to body language – a person can say a whole lot without saying anything at all.

XOXO,

Jay

Are You She That He Findeth, Passionate?

Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might; for there is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom, in the grave, whither thou goest (Ecclesiastes 9:10).

When most people think of passionate, they equate it to making love; however, passion is not limited to the bedroom. Dictonary.com defines passionate as having, compelled by, or ruled by intense emotion or strong feeling; fervid, therefore, meaning, having a desire – a desire influenced by love to pursue or complete a task. The movie, “The Passion of the Christ” is a perfect example of exuding passion. Jesus Christ’s passion for man compelled Him to leave His earthly home to come to a down trodden earth and be crucified for the sins of man. Being passionate is not always convenient or pleasurable, for example, a mother who gets off from a stressful day at work to go home and cook and clean so that her family can have a healthy environment is a form of passion.

Whatever you pursue in life, pursue it with passion; keeping in mind that you’re doing it to edify others and please God, no matter how small the task. If you are asked to fold napkins for a reception, be the best napkin folder you can be. If you’re preparing a dish for a potluck, prepare it with love. If you’re responsible for maintaining and cleaning a facility, always keep a clean environment as if the president was coming to visit.

Remember ladies, being passionate is not seeking pleasure for oneself, but pursuing to edify others.

XOXO,

Jay

Are You She That He Findeth: Intelligent?

A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels (Proverbs 1:5).

Behind every intelligent man is a wise woman. You don’t have to have a Ph.D. in Genetic Engineering to become wise. Yes, you may have been a quick and an apt learner and learning any subject matter has never been a challenge for you, but wisdom comes or should come as we age. As we get older, we should learn to make better decisions before acting on them. Thoroughly weighing the consequences of each decision, knowing that EVERY decision has an indirect and direct impact on you, your family, and your environment. A wise woman does not merely make decisions for the time being, she thoroughly considers the legacy she will leave behind after her departure. She knows the decisions she makes today can greatly impact her unborn children or her future tomorrow.

A wise woman edifies and adds to. She is not only a complement to her surroundings, but to her man, as well. She is always seeking to meet a need by asking, “What can I do…?” or “How can I…?” She looks for ways to better a situation. And when she leaves an environment, edification is her legacy.

Following, are some characteristics of a wise woman:

·        She is always thinking and planning ahead.

·        She doesn’t parade her wisdom as being a “Know it all,” but she discretely uses it to edify others.

·        She enters almost every situation, whether it be appealing or not, asking, “What can I learn from this?”

·        She has learned to be content in all things.

·        She has learned to listen to wise counsel and take constructive criticism without becoming defensive.

XOXO,

Jay

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Are You She That He Findeth, With a Sense of Humor?

A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones (Proverbs 17:22)

When something happens to you or doesn’t go your way, how do you handle the situation? When you make mistakes such as, leaving the restroom with your skirt tucked in your underwear, do you laugh at yourself or become excessively upset? Or have you ever been so distracted with too many things on your mind and leave your house, saying to yourself, “I feel like I am forgetting something?” Only to realize an hour later, you forgot to put on a bra?

Moments like these call for a sense of humor. Throwing a tantrum and getting upset won’t change anything, but add stress, increase blood pressure, and add premature grey hairs. Every day or situation is not going to go as planned and the same is true for a relationship. There is no such thing as the perfect wife, perfect husband, or fairy tale marriage, thus creating imperfect moments. When we have no control over the outcome of a situation, sometimes we end up taking it out on our man.

If you want your man to have a sense of humor, then learn to, “Lighten up and live a little.” If your man senses your humor, then he will be more comfortable to be around you because he knows that you’re not going to fly of the handle when things don’t go your way or when he tries to confide in you. Your relationship will not survive without a sense of humor.

Remember ladies, there’s a freedom in being able to laugh and be yourself?

XOXO,

Jay

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Are You She That He Findeth: Kind?

She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness (Proverbs 31:26).

If you were to take notice of the women in your surrounding circle, I am willing to bet that you would most likely say that they are nice women because they are polite: they say, “thank you” and “please,” don’t forget your birthdays, and sometimes offer to pick up the tab. And yes, those are nice actions, but being nice to others rarely takes any effort, especially when someone is nice to you in return. However, showing kindness can sometimes take us out of our comfort zone; particularly, when someone says something to offend us. As women, we have no problem telling it like it is. We feel the right to express ourselves when deemed necessary. Sometimes there is nothing wrong with expressing what’s on our minds and at other times, it is best that we keep silent. We have to be very conscientious of the words that come out of our mouths and in which the tone that we say them, even to our worst enemies.

Because women are innate nurturers, our words hold lasting effects that can either destroy someone’s life or build someone up. Being kind, entails genuinely showing mercy and love through your words to people that mistreat or misuse you and withholding from calling them out of their name when they make you angry.

So remember ladies, if you want your spouse to show you kindness by not calling you out of your name or disrespecting you when you have done something to offend him, then you must demonstrate this same trait. Rule of thumb: if you cannot respond in a kind manner, keep silent.

XOXO,

Jay

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Are You She That He Findeth: Trustworthy?

The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life (Proverbs 31:11-12).

When most women consider the trait, trust worthy in a mate, they think of loyalty and being faithful. So of course they will consider this as a trait they can commit to in return; however, trust worthiness does not end at being loyal in monogamy or intimacy. Monogamy is just the beginning of trust worthiness.

A trust worthy woman has a reputation of fulfilling her duties in all aspects of her life. Her supervisor can trust her to follow through with work projects and meet deadlines. Her girlfriends can trust her with their secrets. Her family can trust her to be there in a time of need. Overall, she is dependable. Trust worthy is her character. So when she puts on the hat of a wife, her husband can trust her to run the affairs of their household and take care of their children. He can trust her with his life. All the days of her life she will look to do him no harm. And everything she does with a purpose in mind to benefit her family, friends, or strangers. She is not a busy body meddling in the affairs of others while her home and life is up in array. She does not sit idling, watching soap operas or reality shows all day. She works from sun up to sun down, inside or outside the home.

Last but not least, God can trust her to use her talents that He has gifted her with, for the betterment of others; so therefore, He can also trust her with one of His sons.

Can God trust you with the talents He has bestowed upon you to use them wisely?

XOXO,

Jay



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Are You She That He Findeth: Financially Stable?

Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands (Proverbs 14:1).

What woman do you know that does not want a financially stable man? Every woman wants financial security. The average woman does not have to marry a rich man, but she wants a man to be able to provide the basics: shelter, food, and transportation - this does not apply to the very independent woman who does not WANT a man (emphasis on WANT). And yes, we can provide these things for ourselves, but when push comes to shove, we want to be able to look up to our man. We want to know that everything will be taken care of, when necessary.

Although, we want a spouse who is financially capable, someone who makes just as much or more money than us, but oftentimes, we fail to consider if we’re a good steward over the monetary funds that we have been blessed with. Just because we have the money to spend, doesn’t mean that we should be wasteful. Just because you can afford to shop at Neiman Marcus, does not mean that you should go on weekly shopping sprees if your bills are past due and your nest egg is empty. God did not bless us with good paying jobs so we can be wasteful and selfish. God will not send a God fearing man our way, to bring home his pay check and blow his hard earned money, trying to keep up with the Joneses. Practice being a wise spender. Following, are some budgeting tips for after-tax income from www.NoMoreDebts.org to help you manage your monthly salary and live within your means:

·        35% - Housing, rent, mortgage

·        5% - Utilities

·        10-20% Food, personal care, and baby needs

·        15 - 20% Transportation: gas, insurance, maintenance, parking, bus, or taxi

·        3 - 5% Clothing for all family members

·        3% Health care premiums, specialists, and over-the-counter

·        5 -10% Personal and discretionary: entertainment, recreation, eating out, and hobbies

·        5 -10% Savings: save money for expenses that don’t occur every month and for retirement

·        5 -15%  Debt payments: credit cards, car loans, and school loans

·        5 - 10 % Tithes or charity

Remember ladies, a wife is an asset, not a financial liability.


XOXO,

Jay


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Are You She That He Findeth?

A friend of mine, Nathaniel Haley, pastor of United Christian Missionary Baptist Church, once told me that when a man of God seeks to marry a woman, he seeks for a "wife" and not just a woman that will hold the title of a wife by law.

Just because a woman is married that doesn't mean she is wife material. Thus, the Bible says, "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord" (Proverbs 18:22), implying that with all the women in the world walking around and the ratio of women to men is 2 to 1, men are still faced with the challenge of finding a suitable woman to wife.

As women, we often make the mistake of making a long list of qualities that we want in a husband without really asking ourselves if we hold any of these qualities. According to a survey conducted by Forbes and MSN, following is a list of the top traits that women said they want in a mate and some food for thought:

1. Financial stability - you may be able to match his financial ability or perhaps you make more money than him, but your pockets are like a bottom less pit.

2. Trust worthy - can you be trusted to run the affairs in your household and follow through with work projects or are you a busy body, meddling in the affairs of others while your life is up in array?

3. Kindness - are you genuinely kind to others without expecting anything in return? What would your family members, close friends, and coworkers say about your acts of kindness?

4. A sense of humor - are you always nagging and complaining when things don't go your way?

5. Intelligence - intelligence doesn't only consist of book knowledge, but also how you go about applying that knowledge. Smart people aren't smart because they've earned all As in school and graduated cum laude in their class, they're smart because most of their choices in life out way the bad.

6. Passionate - what have you done with the God given talents and gifts that God has bestowed upon you? Are you using them to serve God and better others? Or are your talents and gifts self-serving?

7. Understanding - are you quicker to listen and hear others out before you respond, so that you can gain a better understanding?

8. Romantic - Do you go out of YOUR way to please others on their birthdays or other significant events that matter to them or do you do things for them that will please you?

9. Sense of style - would your style of dressing be an embarrassment to others if they were seen with you? 

10. A handsome face - are you approachable, always bearing a smile or does your face look like you've been sucking on a lemon?

Humans are innately selfish, we aren't born with wifely characteristics; they’re something that we learn through experience and develop through a relationship with God. The world has its own standard of what a wife should be, but God established a formula for women to live by in order to become a virtuous wife. Throughout the next few weeks, we will closely examine the different characteristics, according to the Bible that makes a wife.

Remember ladies, you don't have to be married to become a "wife." You should already contain the characteristics of one when your future-to-be-husband finds you. Keep in mind that the characteristics you want in a husband, you require them before you both even say I do.

XOXO,

Jay

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Spring Into Summer

Hey ladies, it’s that time of the year again - to gear up your body for the summer. Stop the crash diets, juicing and detoxing, which only leads to binge eating and guilt. Why not enjoy and incorporate healthy eating into your lifestyle? Here are some tried and true practical tips that can easily fit into your budget and daily schedule without breaking the bank and feeling deprived:

·         If you want to manage your daily caloric intake, try myfitnesspal.com, which is a free calorie counter that creates a daily calorie goal to fit your profile. Log your daily meals and physical activity. Myfitnesspal.com also has a free app.

·         Download the free app, “Daily Workouts,” which consist of a total of 6 different workouts for your abs, arms, butt, cardio, leg, or full body, which can be completed in a 10-30 minute segment.

·         If you’re more of an outdoors person, subscribe to a local outdoors’ fitness group at Meetup.com, a social network of various groups of people that share common interests.

·         Don’t deprive yourself from your favorite meals or snacks. You can still enjoy the same foods, guilt-free with a free email subscription of recipes from Hungry-Girl.com, which offers “Tips and Tricks for Hungry Chicks.”

·         When you go out to eat, most restaurants offer double portions for one meal. When the waiter brings your meal, ask for a to-go-box and save half of your food for later.

No muffin top here! Hello two-piece, sundress, and shorts, here I come!

XOXO,

Jay

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Sex Can Kill: Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID)

Pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) is an infection of the female upper reproductive tract that can include the ovaries, fallopian tubes, uterus, and cervix (medicinenet.com).  “The cervix prevents bacteria that enter the vagina from spreading to the internal reproductive organs. If the cervix is exposed to a sexually transmitted disease -- such as gonorrhea and/or chlamydia -- the cervix itself becomes infected and less able to prevent the spread of organisms to the internal organs” (WebMD.com).

Sexual contact is the main reason for contracting PID. Untreated sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) such as gonorrhea or chlamydia are believed to be the primary cause of most PID cases (medicinenet.com).

PID can cause scarring of the pelvic organs. When scarring occurs in the fallopian tubes, it can lead to an increased risk of ectopic pregnancy or infertility (medicinenet.com).

According to WebMD, Symptoms of pelvic inflammatory disease include:

• Lower abdominal pain
•  Fever
•   Rapid pulse
• Chills
• Back pain
•   Pain during sex
•   Abnormal vaginal discharge that is green or yellow in color, accompanied by an unusual odor

WebMD also indicates that women are at greater risk for PID if they:

•  Contracted a sexually transmitted disease such as gonorrhea or chlamydia
•  Started having sex at an early age
• Had PID previously
•   Have multiple sex partners

 Ladies, this concludes the series, Sex Can Kill.  I hope you learned how to approach your sex life more cautiously. And by no means, did I intend to spoil your views toward sex. Sex can also be rewarding physically, emotionally and spiritually, when it is with the right person, but we will table that for another conversation.

XOXO,

Jay

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Sex Can Kill: The Dangers of Sperm

Other than the obvious tell-tale signs or red flags when you’re with the wrong man, research has shown that a woman can be allergic to a man’s sperm. An allergic reaction to a man’s sperm is caused by a high concentration of protein in the semen, which can be too high for your body to adapt (www.nydailynews.com). Listed below, are a few allergic reactions:

o   Hives

o   Difficulty breathing

o   Swollen eyes

o   Diarrhea

o   Problems conceiving

o   Burning and swelling of the vagina

o   Early miscarriage

o   Reddening, swelling or a raised, itchy red wheal (bump) that looks similar to a mosquito bite on your skin

o   Anaphylactic shock

Some of these symptoms such as, anaphylactic shock can lead to death. Symptoms may appear immediately or may be delayed from 30 minutes to one hour after exposure. Symptoms may also disappear and then recur hours later. Once symptoms are present, they develop quickly. (www.wellness.com).

Remember ladies, if you’re allergic to a man’s sperm, it’s because he is not the man for you.

XOXO,

Jay


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Sex Can Kill: The Dangers of HPV

HPV (Human Papillomavirus) is one of the leading causes of cervical cancer and has infected an average of 50% of the population participating in sexual activity (WebMd.Com). There are no symptoms of HPV, with the exception of the strain that causes genital warts. Many women and men don’t even know they have contracted the virus.

You are at risk to contract HPV IF you:

o   Have sex at an early age

o   Have many sexual partners

o   Have a sex partner who has had multiple partners

According to the Center for Disease Control, many people assume that HPV only impacts young women or teenagers, but cases have been reported that HPV has impacted the older generations as well.

Remember ladies, HPV is not just a, “loose woman’s or nasty woman’s disease.” Even a virgin can contract the virus from literally bumping and grinding. No penetration has to be involved. Not only do you need to know who you are sleeping with, but who you’re bumping and grinding with as well.

XOXO,

Jay

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Sex Can Kill

Ladies, did you know that having rough sex will eventually damage your body? Rough sex may feel good to you at the time, but a man can actually jam his penis into your vagina, hitting your cervix, which may cause post-cramping, bleeding, and overtime cervical erosion, which is the inflammation of cervical cells which causes vaginal discharge, bleeding during sexual intercourse and in between periods. Cervical erosion will also cause the wearing away or thinning of your cervix, which is needed for your body to carry a baby to full term (mDhill.com).

Just like men have different penis sizes, women have different vaginal canal sizes. “The average length of a woman’s vagina can range from 3 to 4 inches long…it can double in length when aroused” (Lissa Rankin, MD, gynecologist and author of What's Up Down There? Questions You'd Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend). When God created you, He designed your body just perfectly to fit the mate, whom He created you for.

Our bodies were not designed to have multiple sexual partners and when we choose to sleep with multiple men, we put ourselves at risk for contracting HPV, the Human Papillomavirus. HPV is a sexually transmitted disease that develops in the skin or mucous membranes. HPV can be found in the vagina, cervix, mouth, anus, throat, or penis head. There are over 100 different strains of HPV such as, genital warts. And you are probably thinking, “Well I can have my man put on a condom and I’ll be fine,” but considering that there are over 100 different strains of HPV, condoms will not always protect you from contracting one of the strains (medicalnewstoday.com).

Betcha didn’t know that did ya? Stay tuned next week for part 2.

XOXO,

Jay

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What Will You CHOOSE in 2014?

Did you know that your life tells a story and that each year is another chapter? Everyday God wakes you up, you are granted with the opportunity to choose how you will approach your day. We have the choice, for the most part, to choose how our chapter will begin and end. We do not have any control over life’s circumstances such as losing a love one, but we can choose how we will love them while they’re here; nor do we have control over our job moving across country, but we can choose to do the best of our abilities while we’re on the job. Will you have a fruitful and prosperous year or another year of complaining and winning about what went wrong? How will you choose to embrace the good, the bad, and the ugly that this year will entail?

Ladies, make a commitment to yourself this year that you will CHOOSE to be joyful and TRUST God, no matter what this year holds.

Use the following template to help you get started. Fill in the blanks with action words:

When people talk bad about me behind my back, I will_____________________.

When I am told I am not good enough, I will___________________________.

When people treat me like I am inferior to them, I will_________________.

If my employer decreases my pay due to budget cuts, I will__________________.

If my car breaks down, I will______________.

Remember, ninety percent of life’s situations are in response to our attitudes. We can make the outcome of any situation a whole lot better if we CHOOSE to respond with a positive attitude. So what attitude will you choose to take on in 2014?

XOXO,

Jay

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